The Golden Turd
The Golden TurdThe Shitball of the Month Award
Slut Magazine gives out this award too! Act TURDY in Second Life u’ll snag urself one hehehehe

This particular turd KEEPS WINNING

Shit I unno, this particular turd KEEPS WINNING! I unno how many damn times this fool done won this motherfuckin’ award but ol’ Turd Dust…er Hard Rust just keep on keeping on being a turd! He CAN’T HELP HIS DAMN SELF. Once we were pals, (Well he followed me around like a puppy hehehehe if THAT counts). The one of his overzealous land manager flunkies up and banned DjQuad Radio from Turd Alley…er…Hard Alley for the crime of callin a noob a noob. I mean WHAT THE FUCK IS a goddamn noob if a noob ain’t a motherfuckin noob?!>Hard Rus?!?! heheheheh. Well I went to my then pal Hard to get my pal DjQuad unbanned at the dump just caws we were all pals. That shit-licker of a motherfucker REFUSED. I told him to get on like he been motherfuckin shit on and booted the motherfucker off my friends list! You are either WITH Jump Lane or you are against him, and EVERYBODY against me goin in a motherfuckin HOLE! Hehehehehe. Well Turd Dust won a Golden Turd (The Shitball of the Month Award THAT MONTH! He won another for fuckin some sheep in the ass Broke Back Mountain-style!

Me, personally, I’m inclined to give ol’ Turd Dust a pass. I mean I even offered to help the damn dummy with tier when  he couldn’t afford to pay Linden Lab their monies (the sap declined hehehehe) Yet, Djquad aint so forgiving. He wants a war with ol turd and DjQuad ain’t so forgiving. I unno WHO the fuck Hard Rust roleplaying a war with but I KNOW he dont want one with me! Hehehehehe…say…any ya’ll ever hear of a guy named Stroker Serpentine…

Jumpy RICH! Best believe that! Well…Jumpy SL rich which is like being AT LEAST crackhead rich in real life! Jumpy can afford tier on THE BEST HOUSE IN ALL OF SECOND LIFE, The Dawson Residence by Juro Kothari. So, he ought to be able to afford a crappy old laggy dump like Hard Rust’s Hard Alley.

Therefore, I officially offer to take Turd Alley right offa Turd Dust’s hands and turn it into a free sandbox for all of Second Life. Tell Turd Dust I’ll give him 1L$ and take over the tier payments! That’s about all his contribution to Second Life is worth AND it’s market value hehehehehe!

Jumpman Lane (jumpman.lane), The King of Second Life

Hard Rust Panhandles to Save Hard Alley

Hard Rust, Second Life Criminal Rating: Bimbo Cheerleader


For saps not in the know, Abusers & Victims was the premier SL rape sim until the A&V owners got spooked by Linden Lab’s policy of going after obcenity after the kiddie porn scandal of ’07.

Hard Alley was just a crappy mall where the most exciting thing was a turd named Govi Callisto who hung out in the Hard Alley sewers yappin with his gorean kajira slave girl animated pals bout his favorite movies lmao. (Hard Rust eventually banned Govi caws Govi was more popular on his sim than Hard lol. So, if Hard Alley had any pervy cachet it was by default and by NO means due to Hard himself hehehehe!

Well it would seem thaT, according to the Alphaville Herald, a broke ass Hard Rust can’t pony up an extra 100USD a month to pay for an aprox 300usd sim. Wtf is he living in a cardboard box in real life or sumfin! hehehehe! Hard has been forced to panhandle and beg for donations to keep his failing enterprise afloat. With the ignominous exits of Stroker Serpentine and Alfa Winger and Cheergirl Allen no where to be found, Hard Rust’s comeuppance can only be improved upon if the sap quits SL out of embarrassment! hehehehehehe

Me and my pal DjQuad Radio have pooled our resources amp put together a consortium of like-minded Second Life entrepreneurs and are slapping together a proposal to save Hard Alley. Our presentation will include a bid of 9 (NINE) Linden dollars cash San Francican monies, payable to the SL account with 2L$ at the time of land transfer and the balance of 7L$ five years hence in 2017. Further, Rust must agree to an official name change of the dump in question to Turd Alley, Second Life’s original a$$hole lol.
Jumpman Lane (jumpman.lane), The King of Second Life

Hard Rust,Second Life Criminal Rating: Bimbo Cheerleader

Well on March 10th 2012 I reckon we saw that  Hard Rust is a liar and the imminent demise of his second-rate Second Life rape sim was just a promotional tool for his perverted sex auction last night or if the sex sale was a last ditch effort to save Rust’s crumbling enterprises. At this point Hard’s veracity ain’t in doubt. Yet, what we DO know is that Rust’s auction failed epically.


The entire night was plauged by mysterious sim crashing as Hard Alley repeated crashed due to the over taxing of the archaic server the sim rests on, griefers crashing the sim (Jumpy was accused hehehehe), or just plain bad luck on Rust’s part. Spys sent to scout out the success or failure of the venture reported back that the monies raised were no where near the projected goals. Hard Rust himself was coaxed into arguing in The Pornstar’s group chat as the tensions mounted.


[2012/01/28 17:41]  Candi Mendle: I wonder if I have the group power to eject

[2012/01/28 17:42]  Jumpman Lane: i doubt it 🙂

[2012/01/28 17:42]  Jumpman Lane: lmao

[2012/01/28 17:43]  Jumpman Lane: strokets gone and so is alfa

[2012/01/28 17:43]  Jumpman Lane: they helpd ewith traffic ya now

[2012/01/28 17:43]  Jumpman Lane: know

[2012/01/28 17:43]  Jumpman Lane: how many auctions can ya run for real for real

[2012/01/28 17:44]  Jumpman Lane: il buy that dump from ya and turn it into a sandbox for the people

[2012/01/28 17:44]  Hard Rust: some people need to be allowed to show that they are nothing but ignorant trolls

[2012/01/28 17:44]  Teresa Tatham: lol

[2012/01/28 17:44]  Jumpman Lane: ill stil call it hard alley ev3en and put a lil statcha of ya on it somewheres lmao

[2012/01/28 17:44]  Deka Teardrop: Hard Does :))

[2012/01/28 17:44]  Jumpman Lane: like a memorial

[2012/01/28 17:44]  Deka Teardrop: Hard Just mute his chat

[2012/01/28 17:44]  Jumpman Lane: naw hard! we’re enwemies

[2012/01/28 17:45]  Jumpman Lane: thats different

[2012/01/28 17:45]  Infinity Adjani: nice Party

[2012/01/28 17:45]  ML Ferraris: hard are you saying like the old indian sayings  one always needs a antagonist

[2012/01/28 17:46]  Jumpman Lane: well im diggin holes!

[2012/01/28 17:46]  Deka Teardrop: growls why is it I keep muting the fucker and everytime I type in here

[2012/01/28 17:47]  sugar Auebauch: ur freaking out and getting wild jump

[2012/01/28 17:47]  Hard Rust: no I’m just saying he only makes himself look more like an idiot every time he speaks.  It gives us all something to laugh at

[2012/01/28 17:48]  Jumpman Lane: ur wrong turd dust i dont resemble u at all strokets gone and alfa too how long u gonna stick around hehehehe

[2012/01/28 17:48]  Jumpman Lane: im laff in at THAT

[2012/01/28 17:48]  sugar Auebauch: damm someones stoned

[2012/01/28 17:49]  Teresa Tatham: yup hes high

[2012/01/28 17:49]  sugar Auebauch: hes makin up funny words giggle

[2012/01/28 17:49]  Jumpman Lane: ur time is done in sl u and all ur sappy pals! the age of lane is upon us

[2012/01/28 17:49]  Teresa Tatham: lol

[2012/01/28 17:49]  Jumpman Lane: deal turd dust deal hehehehehe

[2012/01/28 17:49]  sugar Auebauch: are u lane?

[2012/01/28 17:49]  Teresa Tatham: lol

[2012/01/28 17:49]  Jumpman Lane: i unno im JUST a lane hehehehehe

[2012/01/28 17:50]  sugar Auebauch: all hail lane and his drunken murmerings

[2012/01/28 17:50]  sugar Auebauch: so how are u gonna take over lane?

[2012/01/28 17:50]  sugar Auebauch: gimme some things to do

[2012/01/28 17:50]  Deka Teardrop: you do realize he has you muted you twit

[2012/01/28 17:50]  Jumpman Lane: i promise ill stop pickin on hard rust if he says im the kang of second life hehehehe

[2012/01/28 17:50]  Hard Rust: let me see if I can get this right… “he a SAP!  fool tard!  I da Kang yall saps hehehe”

[2012/01/28 17:50]  Jumpman Lane: NOT UNTIL

[2012/01/28 17:50]  Teresa Tatham: i see somethin to perv now later

[2012/01/28 17:50]  sugar Auebauch: UR THE KANG@@

[2012/01/28 17:50]  Jumpman Lane: i know how toreach him

[2012/01/28 17:50]  Hard Rust: actually, Rayven Bailey does the best Jumpman impersonation

[2012/01/28 17:50]  Deka Teardrop: I’ll say it you’re the pain in the fucking ass of SL

[2012/01/28 17:51]  sugar Auebauch: ur gonna torch him?

[2012/01/28 17:51]  Jumpman Lane: rayman bailey is all u got left

[2012/01/28 17:51]  sugar Auebauch: oh hes hilarious LOLL

[2012/01/28 17:51]  sugar Auebauch: isnt he a cartoonist?

[2012/01/28 17:51]  Jumpman Lane: i thought stroker did the best imitaion in his pedo junkie douche tweets turd dust

[2012/01/28 17:51]  sugar Auebauch: or does he make jello commericials

[2012/01/28 17:52]  Jumpman Lane: stroker is a pedo junkie douche heheheh sumfin like that

[2012/01/28 17:52]  Teresa Tatham: lol turd dust

[2012/01/28 17:52]  sugar Auebauch: stoker ace did a pedo junkie with a douche?

[2012/01/28 17:52]  Hard Rust:

[2012/01/28 17:52]  DJQuad Radio: mister “hard”, i suggest you pipe down while you’re ahead

[2012/01/28 17:52]  Jumpman Lane: cant ya stand on ur own two feet turd dust

[2012/01/28 17:52]  sugar Auebauch: HAAA turd dust

[2012/01/28 17:52]  Jumpman Lane: heheheh say werd

[2012/01/28 17:52]  Teresa Tatham: lololol

[2012/01/28 17:52]  sugar Auebauch: Say werd?

[2012/01/28 17:52]  Hard Rust: shut up DJQuad.  Jump started this shit.

[2012/01/28 17:53]  sugar Auebauch: what wad?

[2012/01/28 17:53]  Deka Teardrop: a cancerous little puke who craves attention cuz he’s a douche bag

[2012/01/28 17:53]  Hard Rust: I hadnt said a word against him until this

[2012/01/28 17:53]  sugar Auebauch: douche bag turd dust

[2012/01/28 17:53]  Jumpman Lane: the age of lane is upon us and ur small potato rayman failey cant pull ur fat out the fire anyhows

[2012/01/28 17:53]  Jumpman Lane: hehehehehe

[2012/01/28 17:53]  sugar Auebauch: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[2012/01/28 17:53]  Hard Rust: yeah Jump is obsessed with turds and douche for some reason

[2012/01/28 17:53]  Jumpman Lane: i think ur on to sumfin there sugar lmao

[2012/01/28 17:53]  DJQuad Radio: shut up? really?? keep a close eye on your sim

[2012/01/28 17:53]  sugar Auebauch: holy words batman!!

[2012/01/28 17:53]  Jumpman Lane: douche bag turd dust

[2012/01/28 17:53]  Deka Teardrop: oh yeah and Quad is muted also gotta love how friends share private IMs saying I aint friends with that jackass

[2012/01/28 17:53]  Jumpman Lane: lmao

[2012/01/28 17:54]  Candi Mendle: we are in the middle of Hard Alley…many men here with penises with piss capabilities…care to come over and lie down Jump?

[2012/01/28 17:54]  Jumpman Lane: no turd dust im just obsessed with markin ur name offa my list

[2012/01/28 17:54]  sugar Auebauch: OMGG i didnt know there was a KING of second life!

[2012/01/28 17:54]  Deka Teardrop: LOLOL

[2012/01/28 17:54]  Jumpman Lane: when YOU r gone it on to the rest

[2012/01/28 17:54]  DJQuad Radio: be right there candi

[2012/01/28 17:54]  Hard Rust: he cant.  he got banned from here for being a dick three years ago and he’s still butt hurt over it as you can tell

[2012/01/28 17:55]  Jumpman Lane: tell em why

[2012/01/28 17:55]  sugar Auebauch bows to MR turd dust

[2012/01/28 17:55]  Candi Mendle: invite him back just this once

[2012/01/28 17:55]  Deka Teardrop: LOL

[2012/01/28 17:55]  Jumpman Lane: i still got the chat where i told you to get on like u been shit on caws u were to soft to roll with me turd lol

[2012/01/28 17:55]  Jumpman Lane bows to mr turd dust too

[2012/01/28 17:56]  Deka Teardrop: Candi I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire

[2012/01/28 17:56]  sugar Auebauch: u make me have to pee jump..not sure why..prolly the booz talk

[2012/01/28 17:56]  Jumpman Lane: heheheheheheheh

[2012/01/28 17:56]  sugar Auebauch: whos rolling turds?

[2012/01/28 17:56]  Jumpman Lane: i unno im just a lane

[2012/01/28 17:56]  Jumpman Lane: ill get unbanned when i buy the dump

[2012/01/28 17:56]  sugar Auebauch: why bother LOL

[2012/01/28 17:56]  Deka Teardrop: it aint gonna happen so keep wishing you fucktard

[2012/01/28 17:57]  Jumpman Lane: well ill tp back just before i let my linden pals reclaim it hehehe

[2012/01/28 17:57]  Candi Mendle: who would come? do you have a group of fuctards looking for a sim?

[2012/01/28 17:57]  Jumpman Lane: me andgovi callistp

[2012/01/28 17:57]  Jumpman Lane: naw we givin it back to the lab

[2012/01/28 17:57]  sugar Auebauch: yes u are

[2012/01/28 17:57]  sugar Auebauch: and proud of it

[2012/01/28 17:58]  sugar Auebauch: now ur makin me tired jump

[2012/01/28 17:58]  Jumpman Lane: either hes gonna sellit to me or one of my minions or its goin the way of all dead things

[2012/01/28 17:58]  sugar Auebauch: i need more nonsense words

[2012/01/28 17:58]  Jumpman Lane: back to dust

[2012/01/28 17:58]  Jumpman Lane: turd dust to be exact lmao

[2012/01/28 17:59]  sugar Auebauch spanks jumps ass

[2012/01/28 17:59]  Jumpman Lane: well sugar im playin to a gallery of kangs and all this is for mr rusts benefit

[2012/01/28 17:59]  sugar Auebauch: but I thought U were the king

[2012/01/28 17:59]  Jumpman Lane: say turd dust ill save hard alley

[2012/01/28 17:59]  sugar Auebauch: why would u need to discuss things with a mere subject..

[2012/01/28 18:00]  sugar Auebauch: wheres it goin?

[2012/01/28 18:00]  Jumpman Lane: hes a corpse too stupid to fall down lol

[2012/01/28 18:00]  Jumpman Lane: we dug a fresh hole and everythang

[2012/01/28 18:00]  Jumpman Lane: ill save it ill buy YOU  inn auction

[2012/01/28 18:00]  Jumpman Lane: lol

[2012/01/28 18:01]  sugar Auebauch: whos Inn auction?

[2012/01/28 18:01]  Jumpman Lane: will what i gave the pixel x pornographer of the year cover it hehehe

[2012/01/28 18:01]  sugar Auebauch: oh that would be silly ness

[2012/01/28 18:01]  Jumpman Lane: i gotcha boss! just gimme the good werd

[2012/01/28 18:02]  Jumpman Lane: all he needs to make it throuh march is 25,000 L$

[2012/01/28 18:02]  sugar Auebauch: DOUCHE?

[2012/01/28 18:02]  Jumpman Lane: i unno he lost a few cool points he might just be the reigning bitch made douche of second life

[2012/01/28 18:03]  Jumpman Lane: now that his bud stroker gone

[2012/01/28 18:03]  DJQuad Radio: he was too busy raping pixels than working on his marketing skills. heh

[2012/01/28 18:04]  Keeley Snowfall: could I get a tp back to the party please.. I crashed

[2012/01/28 18:04]  MercedesStyles Resident: Where’s the vodka?

[2012/01/28 18:04]  WolfBoyNex Resident: tp back to ahrd again?

[2012/01/28 18:04]  sugar Auebauch: frankly im exhausted now LOLLL

[2012/01/28 18:04]  Jumpman Lane: well as i unnastan it its a bit off the projected goal

[2012/01/28 18:04]  Deka Teardrop: ANYONE ELSE THINK IT’S jut A CINCIDENCE NOW

[2012/01/28 18:05]  Hard Rust:

[2012/01/28 18:05]  Deka Teardrop: coincidence*

[2012/01/28 18:05]  Jumpman Lane: i dont it was doomed to fail

[2012/01/28 18:05]  sugar Auebauch sleeps

[2012/01/28 18:05]  sugar Auebauch: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

[2012/01/28 18:05]  Jumpman Lane: auctions are so 08

[2012/01/28 18:05]  Kelly Dharnen: again?…really?

[2012/01/28 18:05]  sugar Auebauch: MOOONIEEEEEE

[2012/01/28 18:05]  Raelin Jestyr: i crashed too.. i thought it was just me

[2012/01/28 18:05]  DJQuad Radio: your caps lock key is stuck sweetheart

[2012/01/28 18:05]  Jumpman Lane: sugars asleep

[2012/01/28 18:05]  DMK Galicia: jumpman is sabatoging the party

[2012/01/28 18:05]  sugar Auebauch drools

[2012/01/28 18:06]  Jumpman Lane: how im banned there lmao

[2012/01/28 18:06]  DJQuad Radio: lol

[2012/01/28 18:06]  Karina Taurog: there is a party?

[2012/01/28 18:06]  Jumpman Lane: i got 5 alts all linked to this account and aint none of em online lol

[2012/01/28 18:06]  sugar Auebauch: party?

[2012/01/28 18:06]  Jumpman Lane: i think ur sims older that a dusty turd dust squeef

[2012/01/28 18:07]  Jumpman Lane: the auction to save turd alley

[2012/01/28 18:07]  DJQuad Radio: i want to donate to rape but can’t seem to get to the sim

[2012/01/28 18:07]  Candi Mendle: everyone just spam his partner….send an IM to right palm Resident

[2012/01/28 18:07]  Jumpman Lane: ur banned too quad

[2012/01/28 18:08]  Jumpman Lane: we got banned caws u were pickin on some noobs over there tree years ago

[2012/01/28 18:08]  DJQuad Radio: damn. well alts arent

[2012/01/28 18:08]  Jumpman Lane: member?

[2012/01/28 18:08]  Jumpman Lane: lol

[2012/01/28 18:08]  DJQuad Radio: lol very well

[2012/01/28 18:08]  Jumpman Lane: i dont use em

[2012/01/28 18:08]  sugar Auebauch: when theres nothing left to burn…U HAVE TO SET URSELF ON FIRE

[2012/01/28 18:09]  Jumpman Lane: naw we diggin graves sugar caws if this auction dont werk then hard alley is dead

[2012/01/28 18:09]  sugar Auebauch: :(((

[2012/01/28 18:10]  Jumpman Lane: k if hard surrenders and calls me the kang of second life ill pay marches tier deficet

[2012/01/28 18:10]  Jumpman Lane: my werd as a lane

[2012/01/28 18:10]  Jumpman Lane: but after that ur on ur own

[2012/01/28 18:11]  sugar Auebauch: he has to call u a kang?

[2012/01/28 18:12]  Jumpman Lane: yup just like stroker did and mean it and any time anybody asks

[2012/01/28 18:12]  DJQuad Radio: did everyone crash again? eesh

[2012/01/28 18:12]  Jumpman Lane: something likeYOU ARE the kang of secondlife congrats

[2012/01/28 18:13]  sugar Auebauch: i didnt know he was that important…..

[2012/01/28 18:13]  DJQuad Radio: must be my video card again, or sl

[2012/01/28 18:13]  sugar Auebauch: its sl

[2012/01/28 18:13]  DJQuad Radio: is it? 🙂

[2012/01/28 18:14]  sugar Auebauch: yes

[2012/01/28 18:14]  Jumpman Lane: him or me sugar im the liege lawd of second life

[2012/01/28 18:14]  sugar Auebauch: I HAVE BOOTS WITH FISHIES IN IM

[2012/01/28 18:14]  sugar Auebauch: how bout neither?

[2012/01/28 18:14]  Jumpman Lane: the crown prince of every damn thang

[2012/01/28 18:14]  sugar Auebauch: u guys are TOOO big for me

[2012/01/28 18:14]  Jumpman Lane: top dawg all that stuff

[2012/01/28 18:15]  sugar Auebauch: im too lowly

[2012/01/28 18:15]  Jumpman Lane: well get big sugah

[2012/01/28 18:15]  Luther Blackburn: >.>

[2012/01/28 18:15]  sugar Auebauch: is there enough room in sl for that much ego?

[2012/01/28 18:15]  Jumpman Lane: everyboys a noob day 1 hehehe

[2012/01/28 18:15]  Hard Rust: sorry for the sim issues people!  SL is just like that sometimes!

[2012/01/28 18:15]  Candi Mendle: come to my club Jump…let the men piss on you there if you dare

[2012/01/28 18:15]  Kelly Dharnen: no worries

[2012/01/28 18:15]  Jumpman Lane: apparently not caws all my enemies folded up like lawn chairs

[2012/01/28 18:16]  Raelin Jestyr: it seems to be good now

[2012/01/28 18:16]  Jumpman Lane: turd dust is just the next vic

[2012/01/28 18:16]  Jumpman Lane: fool u got 5 people at ur dump and it crashes and u wanna SAVE it


What does this all mean? It means that The Age of Lane is indeed upon us all. Stroker Serpentine got punked down. Alfa Winger is gone. Hard Rust is turding. Cheergirl Allen is in hiding. Chelsea Malibu is selling crappy lights. I unno, I’m just A Lane, but Jumpy seems to be sittin pretty fulla win! Hehehehehehe. Slut Mag Faithful we will definitly keep ya posted on the Hard Alley turd flushing!