We would like to announce Rache Avro’s addition to Slut Magazine’s editorial board as Layout Editrix. Her work behind the camera more than makes her a most welcome addition to our staff. WE want Rachey Rache because SHE is genuinely talented. Her work speaks for its self.
Well, we drop the editorial “we” for a moment, as I wish our little virtual world to know this comes from me. I drop the damn near psychotic, third-person references to “Jumpy”, because this comes from me. “I AM Slut Magazine” is an oft quoted refrain from the early days of our publication. (It’s more than a pity Rache Avro wasn’t Attention Magazine). Slut Mag’s editorial staff has free hands in all they do, as we have no rules because RULES are for the weak. Yet, it goes without saying, that if I, Jumpman Lane, pay any attention at all to what appears in our online periodical it is ME (AS I handpicked our staff through the years and ruthlessly pursued our freelance contributors, PERSONALLY, AND STUCK UP THE GRID to scrupulously pay them ALL). However, I want to clarify: THIS is me.
I want ALL of Second Life to know that I, Jumpman Lane, am pissed the fuck off that the sweetest lil gal I know got fired from her lil magazine. I unno none of the people involved. Nobody won’t tell me exactly what the fuck happened. Rache with infinite maturity and grace has decided to let by gones be bygones and has moved on…BUT anybody who knows me, has ever heard TELL. OF. ME. knows that maturity and Jumpy are mutually exclusive terms.
When it comes to MY friends, “It’s US AGAINST THE WORLD! Your enemies are my enemies. No questions asked.” I spent YEARS digging holes and dumping dummies in them along with any fool stupid enough stand along side them. “ALL OR NOTHING AGAINST THE WORLD!”
When I was just a noob, in an open letter to Second Life, I let everybody know this:
I stay jay walkin’! two-threes on my feet. Fuck around and end up with a Jumpman AND a Nike Swoosh stomped dead in your motherfuckin’ ass! Caws Jumpy got the ol’ schools on!”
I MEANT that shit! I’m CONVINCED SL if it, collectively, cares to remember, knows I as a lil noob was serious. I put my foot in so MANY motherfuckers cracks that EVERYONE knows I was NOT playing or just talking shit. The sheer pettiness on both sides by me and Torley Linden during The Great Watermelon War is a testament to the intransigent nature of my spite. Who bans somebody on a 10m square parcel for six years out of animus alone? Torley did TO ME at The Man Statue on Phil’s Hill in Natoma, purportedly the oldest rezzed object in Second Life, JUST TO IRK ME caws he didn’t like the cut of my jib-FOR MERE WORDS ALONE. I drove that watermelon colored turd to that.
During The Douche Wars with that BITCH-MADE DOUCHE Stroker Serpentine, I drove THAT stupid mother crazy AND saved his goddamn life when he got suicidal (though Prokofy Neva DID help, hehehe). ASK somebody if you don’t know. After a short stint in the puzzle factory, he doing good, getting a crazy check and some more shit. (Your welcome, dummy!)
My point is this: Here I am, sittin’ pretty fulla win. All my enemies have been humbled and cowed OR are just GONE. I DESTROYED Mountainmeister LLC’s sweet lil deal with the real life Jenna Jameson. Ask Chelsea Malibu if you can FIND her rotton ass! Club Jenna? POOF! Ain’t no more goddamn SLCAMZ in Second Life. Alfa Winger is GONE. That mulleted douche stroker sold Amsterdam on Ebay for 40,000 USD but he didn’t sell Las Vegas. Aint no more Bimbo Cheerleaders in Second Life. AND WHERE THE FUCK IS CHEERGIRL ALLEN ANY DAMN WAY! I WRECKED the sexbed industry which is why all that sex trash ya fuckin on is so cheap. Patriotic Nigra leader D3adl3y Cod3c went to his GRAVE irl with a “Cya in hell, BITCH!” FROM. ME. (For the record I didn’t crash the original Hard Alley when Hard Rust was trying to save it with some crappy lil auction. Quad did hehehe. IN fact, I offered to cover his tier for a month. All he had to do was change the name to Turd Alley and his username to Turd Dust, and call me The King of Second Life and MEAN it; but, pride is a motherfucker. Fuck it then. Let the Lindens have it back.
I been good for about a year. Aint nobody REALLY pissed me off like I am pissed off now. In years past, I would have found out who ALL these stupid motherfuckers were who had a hand in my pals ousting from Attention Magazine. I would have made it my duty to stab at them in every venue in every way till they went crazy or retired from the field in disgust. But…sweetheart that she is-Rache demurred and did not green-light these fools. SINCE her spirits seem to have lifted, I’m willing to give these tards a pass. But they better keep thangs REAl small…And keep my name out their mouths before they end up with my foot in their cracks.
Call this an announcement, call it an open letter, call it whatever. I don’t mind calling it a declaration of war, looking back on it in some distant future. Try me. TRY me. Oh! Try me; and you’ll be asking WHY me! Hehehehehe Rache Avro rocks because she let some re res live, for real for motherfuckin real. Amidst venom, I might just forget she did hehehehe.